Otherworlde LIN 302: You Are What You Eat

Schrecken had been given a magic seed by Selene, which would grow into a plant that would produce magic-enhancing sap. Schrecken actually did quite a good job taking care of it, watering it and letting it get sunlight and keeping it at the right temperature. The plant grew and grew, perhaps a bit unusually gnarled for a honey magic sycamore tree, but it grew nevertheless.

And it remembered. Magic grew and was nurtured in its roots, and it knew where that magic had originated. The interactions between magician and source of magic were innumerable, undefinable, and above all, inextricably linked. The plant remembered.

This is what it remembered from the first few days of its growth.

Day 1: “Hoo hoo hoo! You are just a little tiny baby seed! But you are going to grow into a big tree! I will tell you a lot of magic things so you will have lots and lots and lots of magic! Let’s see… Hoo hoo! I know! I will tell you about my scythe! It is a big black scythe with yellow on it like big creepy eyes! And it can be a scythe, or a spear, because spears are cool! And it has black smoke coming out of the end! And if I swing it, it makes a lightsaber noise! Hoo hoo hoo! It is the coolest scythe. Yes. The most cool scythe.”

Day 2: “I am going to give you a name! I heard that names are good for magic, so I will give you a name! Your name is going to be… SUPER MARIO! Yes. That is a good name. The pot that you are sitting in is red, like his hat! So it is a good name! I have also learned that singing can be magic and will help you get magic! So I will also sing for you. Yes. Heheha. NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA, NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA, BATMAN! That is a good song!”

Day 3: “I have a zombie! His name is Zombie Joe! He was raised out of the dirty dirt ground with magic! He used to be a wrestler and he can suplex people. He is a very good zombie. Yesterday, I taught him how to do the armpit farting! And I will teach you how to do it too. It goes like this!”

Day 4: “Do you want to know a big secret? I am a tournament champion! Hoo hoo hoo! I am the Phantom Master in the Night! I fought people and I won! There was Cordelia, the Super Fire Dragon Witch! And I punched her in the face! Then there was Apple, the Tree-Summoning Forest Kid, and she fell asleep because I drained all her energy! And also she is very lazy. Then there was Shaya, the Spell-Casting Fighting Vampire! She turned into a bad guy! And I beat her with my SUPER BASEBALL SUN ATTACK. Hehehahaha. And the last one was Kuzma! The Mysterious Psychic Time Traveler! I got his soul with my scythe! And then I put it back into him! The soul goes in the blood and the blood goes in the guy. Like a turducken.”

Day 5: “Today I am going to read comic books to you! This one is called The Long Halloween! It has Batman in it. Batman is the BEST. He is a good guy, but he is a spooky good guy who scares bad guys! You will like Batman too! Okay, here is how it goes…”

Most of Schrecken’s time spent with the plant, now known as ‘Super Mario’, was spent in this way. He went through his entire supply of comic books, and eventually just started making up his own stories. Some of them were loosely based on his old assignments in Necromancy and Magical Linguistics. Others were complete nonsense that he made up on the fly or were based on his dreams, like the quite blatantly unrealistic one about Indiana Jones and Dracula teaming up to fight an evil whale that breathed fire. At least the plant seemed to like them. It did continue growing, after all, feeding off the stories and songs and magic.

But no wonder it looked as weird as it did. After all, you are what you eat.